


Shopping Trip

by Burgie



Category: Star Stable Online
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 12:33:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10639926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burgie/pseuds/Burgie
Summary: In which the dark riders go to Costco and Darko is a public menace.





	

The bus that pulled up to the bus stop outside the Costco had a few different passengers on it today. Of these five newcomers, only one was human, and even that was debatable (it had actually been debated quite frequently back at the HQ. Nobody could decide if the 20% of General in Justin’s DNA made him non-human). To nobody’s surprise, it had been the human’s idea to take the bus because “The Jorvik transport system is super fast!” and his grandfather had agreed to make him happy. After all, Justin’s happiness was of the utmost importance.

“Finally, I thought you five would never get here,” said Darko, the mysterious man who had been lurking in the carpark for the past hour and frightening small children with his gothic clothing and cane (he may or may not have shaken said cane at children).

“Yeah, we had to get the tram because _someone insisted_ on it,” said Sabine, looking pointedly at Justin.

“We should support our local businesses,” said Justin.

“Yeah, pretty sure Costco is what you’d call _local_ ,” said Katja, eyeing the hulking monstrosity of a store.

“Maybe not, but the workers are local,” said Justin. “And I wanted a family outing, and this place has everything you need and everything you don’t need.”

“Does it have weapons?” asked Jessica.

“No,” said Justin, sounding surprised. “But, uh, it has make up and stuff.”

“I suppose I’ll find something,” said Jessica.

“Yay! Family outing!” Justin cheered.

“I’m not your family,” said Darko.

“Then why are you here?” asked Mr Sands.

“There’s a sale on dark clothing,” said Darko.

“Ooh, really? I’ll check it out,” said Jessica. Justin grinned.

As soon as they walked into the store, everyone dispersed. Mr Sands stayed by Justin, while Katja went to the make up section, Jessica accompanied Darko to the clothing section, and Sabine wandered off in search of something.

“We should pick up some more lasagne ingredients while we’re here,” said Mr Sands.

“Some of the frozen lasagne is okay,” said Justin.

“Ah, but there’s nothing like fresh, home-made lasagne,” said Mr Sands. “Wouldn’t you agree, Justin?”

“Oh, yeah, it’s the best,” said Justin, nodding. “As long as you don’t mind making it for me.”

“You’re my favourite grandson, I don’t mind at all,” said Mr Sands with a smile.

“Hey, what’s Sabine doing?” asked Justin, seeing a commotion up ahead in the seafood section. Mr Sands sighed and strode ahead.

“Sabine! You have to buy the fish first!” Mr Sands called to her.

“But it looked so delicious,” said Sabine around a mouthful of raw salmon. It was only a fillet, of course. She’d only taken a whole salmon from a fish market once, and they had never returned since.

“Forget you ever saw this,” said Mr Sands, and cast a shroud of darkness over everyone in the vicinity. Now nobody would remember this, and any footage of it would be deleted. The spell was updated every time some new piece of technology came out. While everyone was confused, Mr Sands dragged Sabine away from the seafood section.

“Sorry,” said Sabine, following after them like a guilty puppy.

“I’ll buy you some to take home,” said Mr Sands. Sabine squealed in glee.

Over in the clothing section, Darko was comparing pairs of jeans to see which one was darkest while Jessica was eyeing off some black leather jackets.

“You know those are women’s jeans, right?” asked Jessica.

“Men’s jeans just don’t have the right tightness,” said Darko.

“Yeah, but they have the benefit of having pockets,” said Jessica. She frowned as she stuck her finger in the tiniest pocket in existence in the jacket she was holding. Scowling, she shoved it back onto the rack.

“Does this place sell boots?” asked Darko.

“I’m surprised you haven’t already been in to check the place out,” said Jessica. “Aren’t you used to scoping the place out?”

“Yes, but the place is crawling with mortals,” said Darko with a shudder. “I felt that I should bring back-up.”

“Darko, it’s a shopping centre,” said Jessica. “And the mortals aren’t going to hurt you.”

“One of them threatened to take my cane away!”

“They probably thought, correctly, that it was a weapon or something,” said Jessica. “Probably a gun or a concealed knife.”

“As if I would ever use something so human,” said Darko. “These stupid mortals wouldn’t know a sceptre if they were hit with one.”

“Were any of them hit with one?” asked Jessica.

“No,” said Darko. “I merely threatened them.” Jessica sighed.

While Darko and Jessica had been checking out the clothing, Mr Sands had found himself in the electronics section.

“We need this,” said Sabine, staring up at a huge TV.

“No we don’t,” said Mr Sands.

“Actually, I wouldn’t mind watching TV. Haven’t watched that in a while,” said Justin. “Do we even get TV reception out on the base?”

“No but it can be arranged,” said Mr Sands. “Sabine, call- wait, no, that’s a bad idea. Justin, can you fetch one of the salespeople for me? Tell them that I am interested in buying this TV.”

“This one’s bigger,” said Sabine, finding another further down the row.

“A TV, then,” said Mr Sands.

In the cosmetics department, Katja smiled as she saw an old picture of herself. _Glamour No 5_. Gosh, that took her back. She thought that stores only stocked new products, but apparently not. She found a huge box of perfume (all with her face on them) and added it to her shopping cart. She wasn’t vain, and anyone who suggested otherwise would be skinned alive. She frowned, though, when she saw another huge box with Anne’s face on them. Blonde really wasn’t _Glamour_ ’s look. Then again, neither was black, and they’d been about to go with Jessica as their model before Anne had taken the bait and stepped into the neatly-laid trap.

Speaking of traps, there was a rodent problem on the base, and Katja had just spied a display of mouse and rat traps…

“I am so glad that money isn’t a problem for us,” said Mr Sands once they’d all regrouped near the cash registers. Like this shopping trip, the credit card that Sands had brought along was loaded with real money obtained legally through his many failed mining businesses. Katja’s shopping cart was full of cosmetics, rodent traps, chemicals, and five kilos of brownie mix; Darko and Jessica each had a shopping cart full of clothes and some kitchen knives that would never see a kitchen (Darko also had some band shirts); Sabine had loaded up her shopping cart with the fanciest fish in the seafood section; Mr Sands had an entire entertainment system complete with the biggest TV the store had; and Justin had lasagne ingredients and other human necessities like toilet paper.

“You’re the one who wanted to keep a human on the base,” said Darko. “And you refused to use magic to create food.”

“It doesn’t taste as good when it’s magicked up,” said Justin.

“We do have rat baits on the base,” said Sabine, looking into Katja’s shopping cart.

“Didn’t Justin also bring a cat with him?” asked Jessica.

“Yes, he’s just very lazy,” said Justin.

“I might need them for experiments,” said Katja. “The rats and mice, I mean.” Justin looked horrified.

“I thought it was to let them go humanely!” said Justin.

“Ugh, fine, if it’ll make you happy,” said Katja. “I never get to do potions anymore.”

“Let’s just pay for our items and leave,” said Darko. “Humans stink.”

“I don’t stink, do I?” asked Justin.

“No,” said Mr Sands. “Darko is just being melodramatic.”

“No I’m not,” said Darko. “Humans stink.”

“And what do they stink of?” asked Mr Sands.

“Mortality,” said Darko with a shudder.

“What does that even smell like?” asked Justin.

“I don’t know,” said Katja. “And I went to high school with them for years. We all did. If anything, most of them stunk of sweat.”

“Are you sure that wasn’t just your sidekick and the girl you were stalking for years?” asked Sabine.

“No!” said Katja. “Maybe.”

Somehow, they managed to convince Darko to ride on the bus with them despite his constant complaints about all the humans pressing in on him and not giving him enough space to brood. He also threatened to kill them all a few times. At last, the bus driver stopped and told them all to get off.

“But this isn’t our stop,” said Justin.

“Well, that friend of yours is upsetting other passengers,” said the bus driver, gesturing to Darko. Justin looked back and saw him waving his cane around and shouting at a few of the other passengers.

“Darko, stop that,” said Justin. “Unless you want to walk home.”

“Yes, I do want to ‘walk’ home!” said Darko, standing up and heading for the front door. “I don’t know how you even managed to get me on this stupid thing.”

“You followed me on because we were having a discussion about bands,” said another young man. He was sitting beside his girlfriend, a girl with pink dreadlocks.

“Yes, that was foolish of me,” said Darko. “I will buy your records.”

“Uh, thanks, but all of my music’s digital,” said the guy.

“Whatever,” said Darko with a wave of his hand, and stepped off the bus.

When the rest of them arrived back at the base, they heard Miscreants blaring from the speakers that were normally reserved for important announcements like Taco Tuesday, Pizza Friday, and Lasagne Lunch (only available on Wednesdays). And there was Darko, strutting around the helipad, belting out the lyrics at the top of his lungs and waving his cane around like an orchestral baton.


End file.
